For most of my life, I strove to put others before me. More and more, however, I’m seeing that I need to be prioritizing myself first.
It’s never a bad thing to choose yourself––Pose
This quote is from the original Netflix TV series Pose and it is a great reminder for me every single day as I make decisions. You have to be your number 1 fan and cheerleader.
The 3 reminders below are for me, and it may also help you.
1. Say “No” to Others More
Sarah Knight’s book, F*ck No!: How to Stop Saying Yes When You Can’t, You Shouldn’t, or You Just Don’t Want To, has helped me accept the fact that it’s okay to say no. It’s a perfectly fine answer and you shouldn’t feel apologetic or feel the need the come up with any excuses. “I will not be able to,” is a fine answer.
For me, saying “no” is easy if I feel strongly about the no, but if I’m feeling hesitant, or feel an obligation, this no is difficult and I stress out about deciding between what I feel that I should do vs. what I want to do. I’m practicing listening to my gut feeling and getting the “no”s out there so I can do what feels truly right for me. The reason it has to feel right for me is because I’m striving to live my most authentic self.
2. Say Yes More to You
You deserve to be your #1 priority. That means being attune to your needs and giving yourself the permission to get those needs filled.
3. Say it Out Loud
Listening to your needs is important, but learning to express them is even more important. No one will know what you are thinking if you do not communicate it.
I notice that I’ve been giving my time away and brushing off the nagging feeling that I need my own time or own space. If you feel this way, too, that is okay. Don’t apologize for knowing your needs. Make that time for yourself to recharge, process, and decompress so you can be your best self, and thus the best person for those whom you care about.
I find myself sharing my frustrations to people around me who are not the person I’m frustrated with. This is a big no no. Once I process how I’m feeling, I need to make sure to share that back with the person if I want to understand or feel understood.
When you open up with vulnerability, you’re allowing others to take care of you as well.
Hope these tips are helpful. Cheers to our ongoing journey of living our most authentic and best selves.